July 01, 2008
from
www.Better-Leadership.com
This Month's Tip:
Having Guts in Conflict
or
The Strength to Back Down
This month's topic for all those people that have been through conflict techniques, and know them, but realize it is about the mental approach.SITUATION - Needing Guts
Is
this you?
You often avoid conflict because you dread sensitive issues or hard feelings.
(If you are the opposite, see next situation)
TRY
THISYou often avoid conflict because you dread sensitive issues or hard feelings.
(If you are the opposite, see next situation)
1
– Review the concepts of self-management
2 - Diagnose the situation and tell
yourself that engaging in the conflict is probably the right thing to
do. Your worst fears about engaging will likely not
transpire.
3 – Modify your assertion level - "Have the guts"
4 - Strive to leave the encounter with some level of closure, even if it means a tentative agreement. This can buy you time if you need a break.
3 – Modify your assertion level - "Have the guts"
4 - Strive to leave the encounter with some level of closure, even if it means a tentative agreement. This can buy you time if you need a break.
SITUATION - Needing to Back Down in Conflict - "Simma Down"
Is this you?
You have tendencies to steam-roll. Your competitive nature leads you to often "win" the battle but you worry that it will take a toll on the relationship.
You have tendencies to steam-roll. Your competitive nature leads you to often "win" the battle but you worry that it will take a toll on the relationship.
TRY THIS
1 - Take a
breath and acknowledge that this is not about "winning."
2 - Diagnose the situation. A logical plan will keep you in check.
3 - Modify your behaviors to be more approachable.
4 - Leave the encounter with mutually agreed-upon closure. If you have to dictate what the outcome is, do it with cooperative statements like
"It may seem like I am pushing this decision, but I truly am looking for the best outcome and your input has greatly helped."
2 - Diagnose the situation. A logical plan will keep you in check.
3 - Modify your behaviors to be more approachable.
4 - Leave the encounter with mutually agreed-upon closure. If you have to dictate what the outcome is, do it with cooperative statements like
"It may seem like I am pushing this decision, but I truly am looking for the best outcome and your input has greatly helped."
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Short Story
The Fight at the Dump by Katie K. SnappWeekend afternoons are always busy at the dump, and this one was no exception. The city had anticipated this and, to keep things orderly, a second parallel line was established to handle the string of junk-packed cars. A city employee was assigned to the merge point, somewhere in the city yard closer to the point of entry. After all, this was not just a go-find-a-place-to-dump system. It was a "convenience" point whereby you entered a vast building and dumped into a central wasteway, so that a large tractor could then shove it into a haul truck. Don't ask me why I was there, I just was. Besides .. it is pretty cool.
So this story goes like this: two cars get to the merge point simultaneously. The city handler waves one through. The jilted car feels it was a foul call. Someone starts yelling. Thirty seconds later - a fight. Mostly yelling.
Oh good God. Really? You cannot wait an extra 30 seconds. Evidently it is a contest to get to the dump site first.
Conflict is tricky. Mostly, it is a culmination of several variables showing themselves: ego, unclear rules, mood swings, heartburn from the morning's breakfast burrito, "hey you looked at me funny", or simply ill-informed participants about where to draw the line. At the dump, it was too many people, too different from one another, trying to get to the same place.
Conflict offers us two options: engage or ignore (fight or flight). And knowing when to do what is important. Judging from what I see clients asking for, I believe we error on the side of flight. We too often lean toward hoping the problem goes away on its own. For those times, we should learn to push through.
Great leaders know how to quickly diagnose what is needed, control emotions, and work the conflict. Leadership is not about winning all the conflicts. It is about knowing how to draw the various viewpoints in and using them to your advantage.